What we are experiencing now, this pandemic, is like nothing that many of us have ever experienced before. Everything, mostly everything, has been put on hold. Personally, seeing my students has been put on hold. Seeing my friends of whom we all rely on each other so much has been put on hold. I have so much to be thankful for that everyone in my life is safe and healthy. But there's no denying there's quite a feeling of sadness and disappointment that can be hard to put into words.
When we cannot find the words, they are often written on the pages for us.
With this new excess of time we have to sit with ourselves it can feel extremely uneasy, confusing, and uncomfortable. When have we ever had this much time to sit and get to know ourselves? I have had such a mixture of feeling motivated and unmotivated depending on the day, even the hour or minute. When I'm feeling motivated, I read. And with that motivation I have thoroughly enjoyed and engrossed myself in some truly amazing books. One of those books has been Untamed by Glennon Doyle. Although I haven't finished it yet, Doyle's message shines through immediately when diving into this read. Especially as women, we tend to focus on how others view us and who society wants us to be when in reality we shouldn't have to feel the pressure to be someone we aren't. It can be really hard to sit with yourself, "in the pain" as Doyle says, but to be our true selves it is necessary.
Right now we don't have to worry about how others see us because for our safety, no one should be physically near us. The fear of people seeing us the way we really are can slowly fade away as we embrace what and who we truly are. We can wear the clothes we feel comfortable in without judgement. We can listen to the music we truly like without judgement. We don't have to worry about trying to fit in with a group of people because we are alone. And that being alone can be terrifying. The thoughts that flood in can be painful.
I've given a lot of thought to Glennon's idea that we really need to sit with ourselves in the pain. It's okay to be sad and disappointed that much of what we would be doing during this time is not happening now. Most of us aren't going to work or we are even working from home; Many have lost our jobs; A lot are essential workers who still have to put our lives at risk to protect the health and safety of others.
This is a time of uncertainty for the future. And while I have allowed myself to sit with the pain and reflect on myself, I have found it life-saving to read. Of course it's important to reflect on the thoughts we are having during this time, but it's also important to find ways to cope. Reading is mine. Reading is transporting the mind to a world other than our own to become engrossed in the events of characters that aren't ourselves. Reading is a therapy and one that I have found to get me through even the hardest times. It can be therapeutic to connect with the characters within a text or even read about characters who are much different than ourselves. That's the beauty of reading--you discover experiences and people that you might have never encountered before in your life. You can discover an interest you didn't know you had.
So while you are reading and escaping to places and meeting people you haven't before, remember to take the time to reflect on your thoughts. It's good to feel emotions of all kinds as Glennon discusses in Untamed; whether they be anger, frustration, sadness or fear. Sit with those feelings. Feel those feelings. Reading is a window to self-reflection.
